The ache to write & a little fiction
My brain never stops.
Sometimes, that's a bad thing, like when I'm spiraling, or when I'm trying to fall asleep at night.
Sometimes, it's a good thing. I build worlds inside my head, make plans, flesh out ideas, design structures, script conversations, or paint scenes that never happened.
I used to write a lot.
Like, a lot.
That stopped a few years ago, and at the behest of a therapist, tried to practice not trying to hold on to every idea that floated through my head... just acknowledging them when they arrive and letting them continue on like so much tumbleweed.
But even still, sometimes I get that old familiar ache.
An idea takes root in my head, and won't tumble on on its own.
I was considering spinning up a fresh blog for this sort of thing but... why? Why not just post it here next to all my other musings?
"Look, Eric, I worry about you man. Being alone all the time... it's really not healthy, you know. And I know putting yourself out there is kinda intimidating and all... Can I get you started?""Started? What are you talking about?"
"Look, I've got a profile myself on Plenty of Fish. I'd be happy to set one up for you. The messages just start coming in, you just have to talk to them, and before you know it, you'll have yourself a girlfriend to come home to."
"Seriously, Steve? I'm not going to do that."
"Why not? It might help you be less miserable all the time."
"Well, for one, my boyfriend probably wouldn't like it very much."
"Your... you..."
"Especially since he and I had all those conversations about his polyamory, and I went to the trouble of asking him to be monogamous for me. That would be so awkward."
"But... you..."
"Do you want to have that conversation with him? I don't."
Steve's face is turning purple, like he's forgotten how to breathe.
"Hey, buddy, you don't look so good there. Are you alright?"
"You... you're not..."
"Gay? Nah, I ain't gay. What did he call it when we hooked up the first time? 'Heteroflexible' or something like that?"
"Who said that?"
"My boyfriend, Steve. Aren't you paying attention?"
"You're joking. You don't really have a boyfriend."
"Well..."
"Dammit Eric! Don't startle me like that."
"It's probably not fair to call them my boyfriend. They're nonbinary. ...Steve? Steve?"
Leave a comment or continue reading: other Sunday posts or more products of this ache.
